T-Minus 8 Hours...

My flight leaves today at 6:15pm PST and I am writing this blog at 9:15am PST. I go back to Utah today because I must be clocked in at work at 8:30am tomorrow morning for my last week working at Craft Supplies USA. I love coming back to Oregon. It is so green and pretty here and I will take the rain over snow any day! Plus, it is so much fun to see everything and everyone again. I also wanted to make a trip up to Washington this time to see family but alas, my parents and Michele will be the only ones making that trip. Maybe May or August? We shall see.

As I sit here and type I realize the new year approaches in less than a week. On Saturday, it will officially be January 2011. I am excited to start a new year as I have had a rough 2010. I hope have a healthier, happier year and *crosses fingers* no one too close to me dies this year. I don't know how much more of life"s beatings I can take. I just want an eventful year filled with happiness. I know life is hard and doesn't get any better, but it would be nice to be continuing my healing process, not burying another friend. I know I will gete by somehow though if anything does happen.

I must go finish packing so I will end this random blog right...wait for it...wait...now!

Christmas Day Musings!

I first want to take this time to tell everyone Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has enjoyed this special time for the season, remained safe, and got everything they wanted for Christmas!

I was opening my gifts today realizing tomorrow is my departure date back to Utah. I work bright and early on Monday morning. I don't want to leave quite yet. I know if I stayed another week< I would want to go back but not at the moment. Michele, Mom and Dad are heading up to Bellevue, Washington on Monday and it makes me want to stay to see family. But, alas, work calls and I have to make money somehow.

Speaking of work, my last day at craft supplies USA is December 30th. I get to work that day but they close Friday and I am not able to work past January for them. I still have my teaching job, but that may not always pay the bills. I am going to try and look for something but I was informed by my mom that if I don't get a job it is not the end of the world. I just feel better when I have a job simply because I am contributing. Plus, you will find out more of my reasoning for having a job in a future blog (it should be appearing next week, so stay tuned).

I was quite excited by this years array of presents for this year's birthday and Christmas celebrations. Mostly, clothes, DVDs, books, and some fun things. I will post a list when I have a better idea of what I got and can give an inventory (might even have pictures too! I did love the Doctor Who picture I got from my oldest sister Jamie which she hand drew and had the cast of Doctor Who sign!

I wrote out my usual list of things to do this week. I look at that list constantly and hope I can find time to complete everything before the new year (or before the new semester starts). I even have a list of lists I need to generate, projects to delve deeper into, goals to complete or write out, drill formations for dance and winterguard to complete, etc.

School starts up again in a week and a half. I have a full, busy schedule and already have assignments before classes officially start. I think I am carrying no less than 15 credits this upcoming semester so needless to say I will be quite the busy body. I am hoping to pull out a 4.0 GPA and apply for the honors program in the summer or fall (I got an A- in one class and a B+ in another so I did not get the 4.0 GPA I desired). I get to take Chemistry, Mathematics, and an Education course along with some more dance courses this upcoming term. I will definitely be posting a schedule in the next blog (or the one after).

I guess that is all from me for now. I plan on posting again within the next 24 hours or so (maybe 36 hours when I get home from my trip to Oregon).

Again, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

My Reflection of A Tough Year...

I know it is not the new year yet, but I decided to give a reflection of what I feel has been a very difficult yet rewarding year. I will try to start from the beginning of the year...January 2010 and try my best to show all the ups and downs and everything in between.

January 2010
I was still attempting to get over two deaths that had occurred the year before. Heather passed in October of 2009 and Sister Wilson passed in December 2009. I was starting a new semester trying to be distracted from these deaths. I had also learned that my good friend Ryan was leaving for the war in that time too. I had work, school and dance and winterguard rehearsals to keep me occupied but having a "Heather" show proved to be both healing and tiring (it was titled as "Starting Over"). Our memorial show to Heather was what allowed me to get out of bed everyday. We (Urban Expressions Winterguard) were very hard at work since our première show was in the middle of January and we were only half way through our show. We managed to finish just in time for the première and made numerous changes throughout the rest of the month to prepare us for tour! We literally were starting over.

February 2010
This was the start of some health issues. I was having severe pains in my abdomen and feeling the emotional effects of a finished memorial show. Our first out-of-state tour to a California regional proved to be successful seeing as we received the gold medal in our division, but we did not stop our hard work. Every member was sick or injured or both and most of us were working, going to school, teaching and performing. We were sweeping every Utah show and had an undefeated month in January and February but it was evident that we were exhausted.

March 2010
In the end months of February and the beginning months of March, I came down with an illness. I could not speak and whenever I was asked a question in rehearsal, someone else had to yell out my answer to the staff since I could not be heard. Rehearsals were in full swing and everyone was still tired. We did not have any free weekends from rehearsal or performances and were rigorously preparing for our second California trip to compete outside of Utah once again. Amongst all my illness and craziness, I had received some amazing news. My friend had decided to be baptized which came as a shock since he had expressed no desire in getting baptized until 2011 at the earliest. I received the news as I was walking out of the doctor's office and made a phone call to him to hear his story. It made me feel better even though my fever was sitting steadily at 101. After many long hours, Urban Expressions (UEX) placed second in the California Power Regional giving us the 17th place spot in the entire world in our division (you need to make 15th or higher to make finals).

April 2010
After coming off of our high of second place and 17th place respectively, I feel ill again with the abdominal issues returning in full force (no fever, just a lot of pain). At this point, all of UEX is injured or ill or both, including all our staff members, but we had one goal in mind...to be undefeated in Utah and jump to the top 15 by the time World Championships comes around. We went to the Utah State Championships and continued or first place streak by remaining undefeated in the entire state of Utah, averaging second in the region and still sitting in 17th place in the World putting us .2 points away from 15th (yes POINT 2). We headed out to Dayton, Ohio only three days after winning state (exhausted mind you. All of us slept the entire plane ride from our lay-over in Denver to the Columbus airport and the entire hour and a half drive to the hotel from the airport). We had a packed schedule the whole time we were there too. Our only time off was the night we arrived in Ohio. All of us were in bed by 8pm and out like lights the entire night. My abdomen was still hurting but in winterguard and dance, you just suck it up and "get er done" so to speak. Wednesday was a rehearsal day with a 10 hour rehearsal to ensure our success. That evening we watched other groups in our division perform and realized what we needed to make finals. Thursday was our preliminary performance determining with groups would move onto semi-finals. We knew we would make it and came in 17th place advancing us to semis (top 32 go to semis) still being .2 behind the 15th place team. That night we rehearsed until everything was perfect, all fifteen members, rehearsing sick and broken (physically, mentally, etc). We knew what was expected of us and rehearsed past our exhaustion point. Friday was the day we would find out if we made finals or not. We performed and had what was our best show. I was selected, along with four other UEX members to receive our division award and represent the team. We placed third in our division (4 divisions with 8 groups in each division) with our highest score of 87.5. But we did not know whether or not it was enough. Cory was frantically calculating scores trying to determine if we made finals. Meanwhile, the five of us representing the team were stopped by one of the judges, who hugged us and said "Congratulations. You are the first Utah team to ever go to finals. Nice job on your 14th place finish! Yup, we jumped three places in under 18 hours! But we had no time. We immediately packed everyone into the car and drove the 45 minutes to the next venue to make our call time about 90 minutes after finding out we made finals. We were on a high but not done yet. We didn't care at this point if we dropped to 15th place because we had just made history. We did our final performance and jumped one more spot to 13th place, the highest placement of any Utah team at Worlds!! We were happy and very tired. We had a victory dinner that evening where my stomach problems returned and didn't go away. I was very sick. At first, everyone thought they were stress related. Gretchen was in the hospital with kidney stones, Morgan was running a fever, Kerisa was recovering from her illness and Tom was trying to prevent his thumb from breaking any further. We did what we had to and now we could recover. I got home and finished up the semester out looking for a job since I was no longer needed at Craft Supplies USA. I had made the decision to go summer semester before our successful trip to Ohio and had spent the rest of April gearing up for summer school.

May 2010
The beginning of May was another trip back to California but this time, with my family. Disneyland before summer semester as amazing and so much fun. A nice stress reliever. The only problem were the slight stomach-aches I received here and there. I returned to Utah to go back to school only a few short days later. I spent most of my summer with my best friend Brian and tried to spend my first summer in Utah looking for a job and going to school.

June 2010
Nothing of huge importance happened except the finals for my first block classes. I get sick yet again in June and took all my finals with a fever of 103.8. My teachers were impressed that I received such high grades on my finals with such a terrible illness. After that illness passed, I had an episode involving my stomach. I was at Brian's grandma's house having dinner when I could no longer eat. I was starving one minute and full the next. I was in a whole lot of pain...so much pain that I could not walk. Brain ended up carrying me from the floor next the the kitchen table to the couch so that I was staying warm (he did not like the fact that I felt cold to the touch and was extremely dizzy). He wanted me to stay over offering his room and said he would sleep on the couch to make sure I was comfortable. After two hours, I felt well enough to drive home, but once home, the same episode happened again. The doctor I went to could not figure what was wrong with me.

July 2010
I was into the swing of second block summer classes. I spent fourth of July only a few feet from my apartment and had a quite evening. I was still trying my best to figure out what was wrong with my poor stomach as the episodes continued every once in a while. The end of July was difficult since Heather's 33rd birthday would have been July 31st. Many of us silently celebrated her life even though it was less than a year since her death.

August 2010
Another very difficult month. My stomach pains were in full swing and I was trying to finish up the semester with another round of finals. All during this time two things had happened. First, I had an infection in bladder (thought to be the cause of my stomach pains) that was very frightening to me. They went away quickly and the stomach pains stopped for a bit. A few days after the discovery of an infection, Sara died. Chase, the person who informed me of Heather's death started the phone conversation with "you are gonna hate me because I always call with bad news..." I knew something was wrong. In under a year another friend was gone. I went to Sara's funeral and tried to comfort her grieving mother who was my director and another mom to me. Sara had worked with me when I first started my teaching career at 19 years old. Many of us gathered outside the funeral home realizing our lives would never be the same again. Heather passed on October 10th, 2009 and Sara passed August 10, 2010, exactly ten months from each other. A week and a half after the fact my best friend went back to California. For a moment I felt alone. Two weeks after Sara's death, I started Fall term, with a heavy heart.

September 2010
I was into the full swing of things but still reflecting on the difficult month that preceded. I was excited to start some new projects and start teaching yet again! I met Lindsay some time ago but we reconnected in our modern dance class. It was then that we made a connection and I got to teach (briefly) an amazing group of girls! They worked hard and had great success throughout the fall season! It kept my mind off of things for a long time. I was starting to become happy once again! I was able to continue contact with Brian and Ryan and was relieved everytime Ryan contacted me since he was out on missions every two weeks. I had more reason to follow my dreams now that Heather, Ryan, Sara, Brian and Sister Wilson were not close by. I was doing everything for them now.

October 2010
This was both a trying and exciting month all in one. I had a meeting with my advisor and realized that with a lot of hard work I can graduate sooner than I thought. However, this may mean carrying up to 18 credits each term (maybe more). It did give me great determination to plug through school and keep going. The year anniversary hit of Heather's death. I had been in contact with Chase and Cory and all of us had our own ways for celebrating (since 10/10/10 was a Sunday). I was having a difficult time realizing I had spent a year without my mentor and still had many more years to spend without her. Regardless, I was encouraged by her family to follow my dreams. I listened to a lot of music from "wicked" (Heather's favorite musical) and got the courage to audition for a very presitigous dance company. In the past they took 24 people. This year they were looking for only 16 people. I was told I would have made it if they were going to for the usual 24 (even if they were taking 20 I would have made it)! I then proceeded to tell others of this endeavor and decided I could spend a year getting so much better at what I do...and I felt that Heather was with me more during that time than anything else. I went to her facebook and wrote the following..."I didn't make it but something tells me you would still be so proud of me because I tried! I love and deeply miss you Heather."

November 2010
November was a time to focus. It was past midterm point but preparing for finals in every aspect of school. I was stressing out more and more as finals grew closer and closer. I was excited to have Thanksgiving role around though. That meant the holidays were in full swing! My parents came into town for the holidays and I was happy to see them. I also found out that, as of June 2011, I am going to be an aunt to baby Sekaquaptewa! I enjoyed Thanksgiving and worked on Black Friday!

December 2010
1-19: I started teaching winterguard to Springville High School and did various other work for other high schools. I am excited to see what each school is able to produce. I busily started my finals routine...you know, where I stay in my room all day except to work and go to school. I didn't sleep a lot even if I got everything done early mostly because my brain decided not to stop running a million miles a minute. I spent so much time preparing for and taking finals. I did not have a life. I am pretty sure my schedule went something to this effect...teach, school work, study, and repeat. Once finals were over, I ended up sick (again).
Now: I am preparing to head back to Oregon to spend my birthday and Christmas with the family. After spending some much needed time in Oregon, I get to fly back to Utah and think about the upcoming year. I won't have a job as of January 1st and will start school on the 5th of January.

That is all for now.

December!!

I have decided that I need to create an update blog in light of my blogging absence. I have been working on numerous blogs, but being the perfectionist that I am, I feel I am not ready to post them yet. However, I decided I needed to give somewhat of an update to my blog to let everyone know what is going on in my life in case I take another month to blog.

Yes, it is December...the month of fun, festivities and, yup, finals. I am lucky. I have a final on the 13th and on the 15th but I can work the full eight hours on the 15th (it is the final for my night class. I can take it anytime between 4pm and 8pm). The "final" on the 13th is more of a come to class because I will be taking attendance and it is required to come day. So, my dance teacher is going to have a party and then let us leave early so that some of us can go and study (or go to work early). I have finals all throughout this coming week (about five to be exact) as well as numerous papers and projects to complete. After the final on the 15th (which will be super easy), I will be finished with school until the 5th of January (and even have the whole apartment to myself for a few days!!!)! I am still finalizing my Spring semester schedule, but I will get that posted once everything is set!

I have decided to get my room completely cleaned by December 31st. I need to make sure I have enough room for pending birthday and christmas presents, plus I have noticed that there are some items of clothing I never wear any more and some stuff that I never use. Can you say donations and sell able items?! Okay, so this is where I get a little selfish...I have some clothes that I can sell for money. So, I will sell those ones first. If I can't sell them, THEN I will donate them (I know I have clothes that will not sell at all so those ones will go right into the donate pile). Hopefully, I will get a slight Christmas "bonus" (although I am predicting less than $30). I am even going to post pictures of my room before the cleaning, during cleaning after cleaning and after possibly decorating too, so stay tuned for that). Oh, and I found my camera while cleaning the other day so I will have some pictures to upload!

Yes, I have a job (well, a few of them). I returned to Craft Supplies USA in October but will have to look for another job in January. However, I did get a pay raise this time (by 50 cents)! I think I will start looking after finals so that I have less stress on my shoulders. Another "job" I have involves teaching and I love it. I worked with Springville High School here and there during fall season and have been selected to be a part of the staff for winter season! I am excited. When teaching, you develop a bond with each student. I love each one of those girls and am super excited to get started. I also work with various other high schools mostly answering questions about how to run a program. I am teaching a dance feature (a total of 32 counts or 30 seconds) to a high school in spanish fork but it will be super easy (for me). I love teaching!

I honestly can not believe I turn 23 this month. I don't feel as though I am 23. Maybe because I am still in school? I don't know, but I don't feel as though I am (or going to be) 23. I hope to accomplish many things this upcoming year and then I can say that 23 was my year!

Guess who comes back to the United States on December 10th? My best friend comes home from Afghanistan at that time (although he will be injured). He has informed that he will be home for a while even if he didn't get injured. He will have to be in medical care for the first week home but he should be well enough to hang out with friends from out of state (aka me) during winter break!!! So excited to see him again after a year of worrying if he would come home from the war!

That is all for now. I am tired.

NaNoWriMo...

yes, it may just kill me...no I will not explain it at the present time..

Ten is not my favorite number...

I know. This blog is written the day after 10/10/10, but I had some things to take care of yesterday that occupied my time...and for good reason. Exactly one year ago yesterday, my mentor, teacher, and friend made the ultimate sacrifice by giving her life to save others, but she saved more lives in her lifetime than the number of people she saved that were on the bus that killed her (I think there were about 52 people on that bus and 51 survived). I can't believe I have gone an entire year within my hero and mentor to lean on.

Heather..."Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
"Did you ever know you're my hero?"...Heather would always tell her students that they were her heros and friends. I miss you Heather. I can imagine you and Sara are causing some mischief in heaven. "Save me a sit, hold on tight and enjoy the ride...cause life is about to get interesting!"

Heather Chrisenten, my guardian angel...I love and miss you terribly.

Long Days of Schooling...pt.3

Yes, I am back in the UVU library today. This time though, I have a new found excitement as noted in the last post! I am able to finally view almost all of the classes avaliable for Spring Semester (as of this morning) and although most are not up to date yet, I can get a general idea of what time certain classes start. It has been confirmed that a class I need will be a night class Monday through Thursday from 5:30pm-7:05pm. However, I was informed at the meeting yesterday that every class would have three sections...one in the morning, one in the evening and one in the afternoon so that people who need to rearrange there work schedules or take other classes at other times have that option of doing so! I have already started generating a spreadsheet of class times to have a visual look for when I need to find a job!

Everything seems to be falling into place in terms of school. I hope this continues on for even just a small time so that I know I am doing the right thing! I am already getting a great feeling about a lot of things!

I must go get some food and possibly sleep before my night class!

Many Long Days of Schooling...pt.2

I went to the meeting for my major and was surprised! I will still have a long road a head of me for school (at least two more years, but potenitally more) but my advisor is VERY confident that I can do it! She noticed my hard work and we talked of my education and life goals. She agrees my enthusiasium and work ethic will be the key to my success. Also, she told me summer is a great way to get a head or catch up if I ever need. Essentially, I just have to request a class and the department will try to put it on the list for the following term or make sure it is offered when needed. They were so helpful and very encouraging! I feel so much better about school. I am going to have to have to carry some heavy loads and difficult classes, everyone is confident and excited for me! I am too quite honestly happy even though I know I will probably spend the next little while of my life in the library or at school working long hours on top of working at any place of employment. I was even lucky enough to get some times and days for next semester classes! I am going to have to take a night class here and there (I think on of my classes that I will need is four days a week starting at 5pm and ending at 6:30pm) but I guess that is the sacrifice I must make for education! I am was given some good advice that I may take in consideration. Even though I have taken math all the way up to Trigonometry, I should take it again as a refresher since I will have to go to at least Calculus 1 (possibly higher for my major. I was advsed to take the following in terms of my mathematics...take Trig again in the Spring and then take Introduction to Calculus in the Summer that way I will be ready for Calc 1 by Fall of 2011 and that much closer to finishing math (they may have to add more math to my major due to new state requirements) and that way if for some reason I don't do well in Calc 1 I can take it again in the Spring of 2012 or, if there needs to be more math, I can take more math that Spring! Honestly, I have no idea I am suddenly so excited about school but I am. I have a renewed encouragement. I had been getting to the point in my schooling where I was very tired and drained. I may get there again soon but this could possibly last me the semester!

I am almost done with my goal of 7.5 pages for my portfolio today! I may do one more for good measure and to stay caught up. Even though the first draft is due is three weeks I want to have it done now so that I can get it the people that need to look at it and have editting and revision happening for the next two weeks. I want to make sure my draft is near perfect so that I have very few revisions to make when I am in midterm week because it is due in the middle of midterms. I completed four pages in three hours before the meeting. Although that may not seem like a lot, most of those pages consisted of graphs, tables and spreadsheets that I needed to generate before giving written explaination of the graphs, tables and charts. Now, I will just need to get my three to four other pages for the evening and I will be satisfied. I think I will just work on the easier pages for now so that I am not at the library too late (I would like to go to bed at a decent hour tonight). I was able to finish the 5 pages of reading I needed to do for ballet while waiting for the meeting to start (they were running a little late) so I don't have too much more homework to do after this part of the portfolio is completed! Yeah!

Now...back to work!

Many Long Days of Schooling...

I decided since I will be in the library until 4:40pm and after 6pm (major's meeting at 5pm-6pm) I would take a bit of a break and update everyone. Much of my time is spent at school attending classes or studying. I think I know this school and the library so well, I could tell everyone where everything is and who to talk too (note the sarcasm). I have been working hard and know I still have quite a ways to go this for my to-do list. I had planned to get everything done by tomorrow that will most likely not happen. I think I could get my to do list completed by Saturday and start mt new week long to do list on Sunday. Today's list includes finishing 25% (seven and a half pages if I do the minimum requirement of 30 pages) of my portfolio (rough draft #1) which is due in three weeks, reading five pages from my ballet textbook, finish lesson 3, and schedule my field experience for my education class. If I can get all this done tonight, then tomorrow I will have time to go home between my last class and my evening class to get some food and possibly a nap or some down time. After my night class, I will then turn my focus to my room. If all goes well, I can try to relax on friday and have enough time for a little "me" time!

I hope the major's meeting gives hope of a quicker graduation than what I am coming up with. It would be nice to know that I will be on my way to graduating sooner than I think. I am not going to tell anyone yet how long it will take until after the meeting in case my calculations and scheduling lists are wrong (please let them be wrong...for the better). In fact, I am hoping to get a set of registration times and dates so that I know when I can snag the classes I need. I have already seen a list of potential dates and times for some class for Spring 2011 term, but I get to see when I get to register for them and when viewing for all sections will be open! I am also going to check and see if some of my academic goals correspond with my possible Spring 2011 schedule as well (I will post my academic goals soon)!

I hope to post some of my project ideas and the ones that are being put into motion up here soon! I have gotten further in the plot development of my book but I have only written 3,126 words to it. Maybe I will write pieces of the major events soon. I am even planning on posting some of it here (but nothing to give away the story)! I know of a few people who will know the book in its entitety since I will need a copious amount of editting done on it! Another project I plan on reviving is the college research project I helped jumpstart senior year of high school. I will get that list and progress on these and other projects up here later!

I must get back to work. I have 90 minutes until the meeting and coul get numerous amounts of homework done in that time!

I love all of you!

30 Days To Bran [Day 1 - 30DTB]

I know I have posted a video of his before, but he has asked me to help. For those who did not see the last video I posted here, I will give you a run down...he is an author to a series and book 2 is coming out soon. He is trying very hard to be a New York Times bestseller, so he is doing a vlog for 30 days until the release of Bran Hambric 2 on 10/10/10. I think I let him do the explaining!...

Life is unfair sometimes...

Sara's mom, Susan has been having a rough time of it lately (for obvious reasons). I decided to go look at Heather's facebook page and this is what her mom wrote the day of the viewing for Sara...

Hi Heather, I am sure that you and Sara have been together now. How I too have longed for your joy and laugh. When I went to see Susan Raymond, I knew exactly how she felt. She asked how I did it. As Aunt Laura said "You have no choice" I am going to have Aunt Laura call her later in the week. I keep telling myself it is just a moment in time and then we will be together. But somedays are very very long. I went through all the pictures of all the family and I am so thankful for all the of them. That is what you have to rely on is the family you are with.

Yeah. When my friend's and I saw Heather's mom come to the viewing and funeral, Cory said something..."life is unfair sometimes. To lose two important people in less than 10 months in our lives is difficult, and we still have other trials to face. Somedays I wonder if it is all worth it." After he said that, the group of us that have lost both Heather and Sara just had a group hug and could not let go of each other for the longest time while we all just cried.

 

Now fast forward to present day. Cory got a hold of me a few days ago asking about a girl interested in joining his winterguard team. We got to talking and understood that even though "time heals all wounds" no one ever specified how much time. He started school around the same time as me after not being in college for about 4 years. We had a very nice conversation and realized that this year, any teaching positions we get are for the ones we loved and lost, the people who gave us their undying support (and still do) and never ceased to love us and if we get any chance to perform, we will not take it for granted.

Life is unfair and we have to live with it... 

September what?

I can't believe September is here. I am actually kind of excited about it though. August was such a difficult month and I just want to put all the troubles, heartbreaks and worries I had behind me. Fresh new start of a new month!!

I finally have peace in the apartment, for now at least. I guess it was the fact that my landlady finally got a hold of someone in the apartment to solve it. I know some people are still angry with me but when the youngest person in the apartment is the only one taking action to solve this matter in a respectful way that is concerning.

I almost have all the classes I need this term. Once I get off the waiting list I can post my schedule (it's a busy one).

Alright, time for bed.

Long Day...Please NO more drama...

I know. I am posting a venting style blog today, but it really has been one of those days. I was up at 6am this morning. A friend of mine is serving in the US Marine Corp and he would his designated internet time when the sun comes up in the morning (Afghanistan has a different time zone in case some of you didn't know...hehe). While getting ready for my 8am Ballet class I multi-tasked cleaning and chatting with this friend. Then I went to school at 7:30am and stayed there until 5:30pm due to classes, placement issues and auditions. I came home and just wanted to eat and relax. I did for a time but was faced with two roommates complaining about my roommate that has just moved in on Saturday. Then they kept judging her and noticing that I wouldn't. Then I just had my roommate Phoxay (pronounced poe-sigh) just talked me and noticed that everone is on edge and she (Phoxay) does not have Christ-like feelings not necessarily for the new roomate but just in general. I have never seen her be this nervous and anxious before. I just need to calm down and try not to get in the middle of things. Pray that things work out better.

Saying Goodbye Was Never Easy...pt. 2

As many of you know, on Saturday I went to the funeral of a dear friend to say goodbye (for now). This upcoming weekend, I say goodbye to another. My best friend is moving back to California. He tried so hard to stay but fell just a little bit short. He now feels that he must go back home for a time to work. He has a place to stay (practically for free) and can work for his landlady until he finds work. He says he may not be back in Utah for a long while (at least a year but we are both hoping it is shorter than that). On Saturday evening, I am taking him to the train station so that he hop on the 11:30pm train back to Sacramento. We are both dreading that night. Neither of us are very good at saying goodbye. He doesn't want to leave me here (he is concerned about the timing of his leaving and how it will affect me).

We both made several promises to each other though. We would go to each others wedding receptions (and if I am married first each others sealings! although he does promise to be there for mine anyways) and that we would keep in contact all the time (via text, calls or skype) and we are working on putting a youtube channel together (shh...that's a secret...) among other promises. Yeah. Not my favorite of weeks.

Saying Goodbye Was Never Easy...

I am usually so excited and grateful that I made it through the week to enjoy a wonderful weekend. However, I must face a weekend similar to what I faced 10 months ago. In under a year I have had to say goodbye to two people that have impacted me in so many ways. Tomorrow I say goodbye and Saturday those of us who have lost these two will celebrate Sara, then, if we can, we will travel down I-15 to visit the teacher that gave her life 10 months ago...our beautiful Heather.

Now, there are certain people (I will not mention any names) who feel that I want to suffer alone and therefore refuse to talk about. This is for all of you...I write to deal but not always publicly and quite honestly I with hold a lot of information from everybody. I don't want to suffer alone (no one does) but I deal in a different way. I am not going to apologize if it seems as though I suffer alone. I put on a strong face and get everyone else through this before I even consider my own feelings. Its habit. I am not going to apologize for how I cope and deal with things. I am more complicated than I think any of you think. Saying goodbye is never easy and, unfortunately I have had to do it more than twice in the last 12 months and have had to do it at least 5 times in the last 24 months but I don't tell any of you who think I suffer alone because then everyone would worry and think I was "driving for attention." I deal then I try to move on. Only a select few know how much I have lost in the last 24 months. I don't tell the world and I am sorry if that offends you. Now, please don't abandon me because of it.

The rest of you whom this does not apply too thank you! Note there are so many who do not know who or what I have lost and how difficult the last year has been but the paragraph above may not apply to you so some of you don't need to worry.

I love you all!

Zombie Unicorn Guitar Swords

This is my friend Kaleb Nation. I made a promise to him a while ago that I would help him as much as I can with his book! He is writing a series and is about to release the second installment in the series, so if you're interested go find his first book "Bran Hambric: The Farfield Curse" and read it, then pre-order his second book "Bran Hambric: The Specter Key!" He's a cool guy and will be doing a book tour in Salt Lake for all those that are interested. Go check him out on youTube as well at www.youtube.com/kalebnation.

*yawn* Bedtime!

The title says it all! Enough has been said. 'Night folks!

More Details...

I got the following text today from my friend Cory...

"The cause of her passing is still unknown until some time after the autopsy. She passed in her sleep so she did pass peacefully and it is assumed she had no pain behind her passing. Susan is still in a whole lot of shock of losing her daughter. Apparently, Susan talked to Sara not even six hours before the news of her passing (which is why Susan is in shock). Susan is heading to New Zealand tonight. She has promised an update. More details to follow."

She is not back in the states yet. Apparently, they are doing the autopsy in New Zealand today or tomorrow and then making arrangements for her to come back to the states. Cory then sent me this text which made me cry and smile all at once...

"I think Heather and Sara immediately found each other in heaven, hugged, then started plans for a music and dance/colorguard program in heaven. They are teaching together now! They are happy to have each other there now!"

It is true. Sara missed Heather terribly but decided to teach her Riverton students the way Heather taught her. Now, she can teach along side her too! 

2 Gone in 10 Months...

Yep, I lost another friend today. I was sitting at the dollar movie theatre waiting for Karate Kid to start. I received a phone call from my friend Chase that went something like this (please note that Chase broke to the news to me about Heather not even ten months ago)...

*phone rings, I noticed Chase's name and answer it*

Me: Hey Chase. What's up?

Chase: Hello Kristen.

Me: Hi!

Chase: You are going to hate me as I always carry bad news whenever I seem to call you.

*very long pause as I realize someone has gone from this wrold*

Me: What happened? Who is it?

Chase: Susan's daughter passed away this morning.

Me: Sara? Sara died?

Chase: Yeah, it happened this morning.

Me: How did it happen?

Chase: It is unclear. They are waiting for autopsy results.

*phone clicks dead.*

I, sadly, was then tasked by a friend to sent out a mass text message to all my Blue Knights Drum Corp contacts as she did tour with them and to tell another friend of her passing since I worked with both of them at West Jordan High School. The mast texting started and the word went quick. The movie was less than two hours long and in that time, we all had spread the word, arranged for people to comfort her family (since her Mom was my director) and are now attempting to pin down a date for a funneral. She was in New Zealand on an internship at the time of her death so getting the body back to the states is going to be a bit of a challenge.
I was so overwhelmed with getting everything going I didn't have time to grieve until now. I went to Heather's page and told her to look after Sara and to start a marching band and have Sara be in the colorguard while they are in heaven. It made me realize, I have lost two friends, colleagues and well-respected and admired people in the short span of 10 months.

I love you Sara Raymond. I will be sure to look after your family. Mike, Lorraine and Scott promised to do so too.

VERY Early Morning Post!

I am going to be honest with everyone. I have been up since 5am trying to get a lot of last minute stuff done. I have to finalize the research paper some time today. The research paper is a group project so we are getting everything together. I need to go to BYU today to get some dance journal to defend our research paper. That is what I am doing all day today. Looking for work and finishing up all papers!

Summer Finals Week 2010

Obviously today is Sunday. But it is not just any Sunday. It is the last Sunday of the semester before I start classes in the Fall. I have class tomorrow and class on Wednesday, then I have exactly two weeks of a break to prepare for Fall term. Until that much needed and much anticipated break, though, I have to finish a whole bundle of assignments and hope I receive adequate grades on all of them. This weekend I have put in over 20 hours of study time (ten on Friday and ten on Saturday) and will spend most of today finishing everything up. I can hold off on a presentation and one of two portfolios until Wednesday and hold off on the other portfolio until Tuesday. Needless, to say I will be rather happy to have the two week break before Fall term. So, my plan for the day includes working on the following (in order):

1. Philosophy of Dance Paper
2. Revelations by Alvin Ailey Critique
3. Finish take home final
4. Revise research paper
5. Put together basics of both portfolios.
6. Finish "Ballet Companion" lesson plan
7. Finish tables, charts and graphs for Tuesdays portfolio!

Yeah, I get a three hour break for church for the most part I am working all day to finish all of tomorrows assignments! Better get back to work!

Busy Week Part 2

I have just over 15 minutes to produce this blog before I get back to working on more assignments. I decided to post another list of what needs to get done today especially since about 70% of them are due tomorrow. Good thing I got most of the rough drafts and editing done yesterday. That means I just have to go in and revise those papers meaning I can get more done today! I have 12 things that must get done today and I will list below what they are:

1. Revisions for research paper
2. Revisions for portfolio
3. Philosophy Paper Outline
4. Math Pre-Test
5. Alvin Ailey Review
6. Religion sec. 6-8
7. In formal Interviews (must do 5 today).
8. Dance Resume for dance portfolio
9. cg portfolio (finish calendars, expand on goals section table(s) and graph(s) and part 2 if I finish everything else)
10. Send a message to Rebecca
11. Set-up the job shadow
12. Journal Entries

Yup that's what I get to do today...also, as I finish a task, I may come back and put a strike through on each completed task!!!

Such a busy Monday or a busy Week?

I wrote out my to do list for the week and realized how much I have to do. I thought I could compact it all into one day! I don't think I will even make a dent today. I will tackle homework and the easier, time consuming, somewhat smaller tasks, since I do have a whole lot of homework. I get to put my DVDs out in the living room where Jamie had her DVDs. I will soon be able to put some of my books in the living room too. I want to be able to inventory all my books and DVDs so I if people borrow any of them, I know which is missing and possibly an inventory of who is borrowing which item! I am also trying to get my room cleaned up, organized and decorated!

Today, I got both my final assignments for my classes and an assignment to be completed before Fall term begins on August 25th (one my goodness, less than a month away and end of term is two weeks away). Both final assignments are major portfolios (again) and neither of them are small. The first half of both of them are not that difficult to put together. Mostly, I just compile all written assignments together and that creates the first half of both portfolios. The second half on one of them involves video and music editing for the performance CD I have to include with it and some more writing among other things!

I have decided to let eveyone know how much I have to do today. This is what I wrote on my twitter (note it was in three seperate twwitter posts since I can only have 140 characters or less)...

Twitter Post #1: Working on homework in the following order...cg portfolio (calendars, introduction and Part 1), research paper rough draft, poster summary

Twitter Post #2: resume revision, religion sections 6-8, philosophy paper outline, reflection paper and my dance midterm paper...

Twitter Post #3:all before tomorrow because tomorrow's schedule is busier...

Yeah, I am going to maybe get half of that done. The research paper is putting together the skeletons of the group works and paragraphs. The poster summary is one small paragraph about the research paper. The resume revisions is for an assignment and since I have my resume saved I can make easy corrections. The biggest ones are going to be the portfolio and all the papers due by Wednesday. Yep, a long and busy Monday as well as a busy and productive Tuesday will ensue this week. Luckily, most of the final drafts of the papers and the entire portfolio is not due until Friday (granted I do have two of them due Monday as well).

So, I best be gettintg back to work! 

Project Ideas???

I was facebook chatting with my former roommate (she lives in Michigan now) and told her I would send out all her mail on Tuesday "when I send out letters to Afghanistan and wondered if I should keep a record of some of those letters, videos and pictures here. I would start another blog everyone could see about my life that I send to my friend fighting in the Middle East (I know which district of Afghanistan he is in but I can't know the city. I get a general address and there is apparently a part of the address that has his unit and a special code for his city. I don't know a lot about that I just figure he deserves news from friends). I want to send him as many pictures as I can for him and some video footage so that he knows what is going on. I think I am on letter #4 and video log #2. Best I can do I guess. I think I will do it though. It might be fun to show letter I wrote and responses to the letters! Here we go!

Lots to Blog About!

I have so much to blog about, it is completely insane. I am going to talk about upcoming projects, my health, and some thoughts that I just need to get out. I have a tight schedule today, but decided I need a break. I have been up since 5:30am and just been doing things like made my bed, had breakfast, and went straight to work tackling my to do list. So, I figured I would start out by talking about my health.

Finally, after several months of just not feeling well, I am on the mend. My kidneys are still acting up but I am getting to a good point. I just have to continue with my antibiotic and drink a whole lot of water over the next week or so to stay healthy. I occasionally wake up to my sides hurting but once I get some water and about 400mg of ibuprofen in my system, my sides stop hurting. I am doing everything I can to not get kidney stones or any other infection. I am done going to the doctor's office and always having something wrong with me.

Now, on to some big project ideas! I found out yesterday that I am staying in my apartment for the duration of my contract (I will post a blog later about the drama of me almost not staying here). So, I have decided to take some time and thoroughly clean my room, then decorate my room. I just have one problem...I don't want to paint the wall for several reasons. First, I will have to paint them back to white when I move out and that is a lot of hassle. Second, I would have to move everything out of my room, paint then move it all back and I am too lazy to do so. Third, I wouldn't know what color to paint it. If anyone has any ideas on how to change the color of my boringly white walls without the mess, please let me know!

Another project I have in mind is a big youtube project. I want to do some video blogging for a while and see how that project does! The next project, my novel, is starting to come into focus. I have all the major plot developments going on I just need to get the details in between each one going! I have an art project I want to do and a teaching project I want to get off the ground.

Phew! There is just so much to do. First, I must start with the more important things that must get done by the end of this week such as homework, cleaning my room, and job hunting

I Know What's Right, So Why Do I Hesitate?

I have had a lot to think about in the past year, such as where should I go in life, who I need to talk to things about, etc. Recently I have been having this same experience with a friend. I have prayed a lot about it and knew the answer as to what to do a while ago, but never really followed it. Then, I realized why I never did follow that feeling. I could lose everything. Granted I could gain everything too. But that is what gets me...I know this is what God wants me to do. I know there will be a little bit of hurt, but I know it is the right thing to do and I have known for a while. So, why am I such a wimp and get scared? I know the Devil is working so hard against me. I know this is one of his little games, so why do I allow him to do this to me?

Life is frustrating sometimes.

My Frustration with Plato's Closet...

As some of my readers know, I have been sick with either strep or bronchitis (most likely bronchitis, but I am waiting on a strep test). So, I was stuck in my room all week, except to attend classes for finals and new summer block classes. Today my fever has been holding steady at 100.0, so I decided today would be the day I venture out of my apartment for things not school or doctor related!!! All week I have been sorting through clothes to see what I could sale at Plato's Closet. For those who don't know, Plato's Closet is a store that buys clothes from people and then re-sales them for way cheap. So, I gathered all my clothes that I don't wear, no longer fit, or no longer care for and headed over!! I came in, went through the usual filling out of forms and such then was told I would have to wait 20 minutes for them to go through them. I stood there and waited...waited...waited..and noticed the girls got to my pile of clothes, went through and proceeded to fold them, then called me over. What happened next made me frustrated and I am sorry if it came off as mean, but I was trying to prove a point...

Girl: I'm sorry. We can not take any of your clothes today because we are looking for a certain label and a certain brand. Plus, you're clothes are a little too mature for teenagers.

Me: Funny, because your website says 'Clothes for Pre-teens, teens, and twenty somethings." Is that false?

Girl: Well, no but we target the very early twenties and these are more for the mid- to late twenties!

Me: Doesn't twenty something mean anybody in there twenties, so even mid- to late twenties?

Girl: Well, yeah but we target early twenties because we have more teenage style clothing!

Me: Because that is what you selected, so it is biased on your part.

Girl: ...

Me: ...and which brand are you looking for anyways?

Girl: *quietly* Popular teenage brands.

Me: So, because I choose not to be popular and actually look a bit more sophisticated than most girls, I can't sell anything here?"

Girl: ...

Me: ...and because I could not nor will I ever be able to or want to spend $100 dollars on Abercromie Jeans because that is a common brand I see here, you will not buy my clothes?

Girl: *sheepishly* um, no.

Me: Funny because your website says I can bring in any brand, any style and receive money on the spot, even for books and DVDs too, but those get rejected as well.

Girl: *embaressed* um, sorry, no.

Me: So, I just wasted my week sorting through clothes, wasted gas coming here, and wasted my time standing here because you advertise a "we give you money on the spot for your clothes" policy?

Girl: ...um, yes.

Me: Wow! I'll go to wandering wardrobe. At least their website says they will check brands and give almost 20% more in cash than what you guys give.

I walk out of the store with all my clothes in hand...and so did everyone else waiting.

I feel bad now for embaressing the girl, but I was so frustrated. Yes, their website says if it is older than 12-24 months it is out of style, so I put some things in that were about 18-24 months old because I wasn't sure, but come on. Anything else that was newer she just checked the label and put it aside. So, I have to be popular, wear teenage style clothes and shop at expensive stores to sell my clothes later? That is ridiculous. Advertise what you want not that you get money on the spot for your clothes.

Maybe, wandering wardrobe in Springville will give some results. I just don't want to go all the way to Springville.

A Missing Heather Moment

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good!" This quote is from Wicked and it was Heather's favorite!

"We are not sad for the time we had, nor are we sad for the time we will have. Instead we are sad that we must go on and exist without them."

"...when my spirits falter
on decaying alters,
and my illusions fail
I go on right then.
I go on again.
I go on to say
'I will face another day'
if I still go on..."
~Blue Knights Drum and Bugle Corp Pre-show Corp song

Yeah, I miss Heather like crazy right now. But my best friend, Brian says it's normal to miss someone that close to you even several years down the road (she passed away in October, but because of her death so many people lived).

You Know You're From the Northwest When...

1. It's 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside and that is deemed way too hot.
2. Anything above 80 degrees Fahrenheit is too hot.
3. You cry because the cloudless sky is too blue and not white or grey enough.
4. Utah water is just plain nasty.
5. You are still shocked to see a Mormon church building on every street in Utah and yet wonder where all the Mormon churches are when in the Northwest.
6. You look at other trees and say "look I found a bush!"

Yeah! Way too hot here in Utah!

Wednesday Craziness!!!

I don't understand why my Wednesdays are always so crazy. Today, I got out of class early, so I am taking a break from studying and doing homework to show how busy my Wednesday actually is. Once I finish this blog I will go back to doing homework and studying! I think I will finish all of this weeks worksheets so that I don't have to worry about after today. Then I get to work on two (yes, two) portfolios, one of which is due Friday! Then I will go take a test, throughly clean more of my room, work on my novel (1,000 more words today) and look for some employment. I guess this week is going to be rather busy. But that's what keeps me out of trouble, right? ;) You know, I wouldn't have it any other way!

My Next Project...

I have had a goal for the past little while to write a novel and get it published. I am not going for anything spectacular. I am not expecting to produce a New York Times Bestseller book. I just think it would be fun to write a book (or two...or more if I decide to make it a series) and get it published. But, I am a perfectionist and being as such I am going to want it editted like no other. I am taking a friends advice and just write until I have nothing else to write and then go through and do a self-editting. Then, I should hand out a few copies to people I trust for some more extensive editting and, if I get lucky enough to have an agent or a publisher or editor, have even more editting done. It will take a lot of work and be a long process, but trust me when I say I want to do this. I have a few goals. Tonight, plan on starting it and reaching 1,000 words! I want to have a basic draft that I have promised to two people already by August 31st, but we'll see if I reach that goal with school and job hunting. Like I said, a new project for me to take on...

Here we go!

Note: I may post quotes and small excerpts form my story on here from time-to-time...or I may create a new blog altogether...I will keep everyone posted!

Going Nowhere?

It sure feels that way. I have been cleaning my room for the past two hours and I promise, it looks and feels as though it is messier than when I began. I wonder if it is because I am a perfectionist and so I am doing the whole deep cleaning, where I even attack my closet and under bed. Hmmm...this could explain a lot. I started out by attacking my closet and sure enough, I found things I don't wear anymore or that do not fit me in the closet. So, I get to make a few trips to Plato's Closet, Wondering Wardrobe and Deseret Industries tomorrow (I know I'm terrible. I should just go to D.I. and drop off all the clothes there, but I don't have a job so I am going to see what money I can get out of my clothes first). Once I have my closet and dresser raided, I am going to tackle my desk and bookshelves (yes, plural. I have three already just for books and plan on investing my 1 or 2 more for the rest of my books and my DVDs). I hope this doesn't turn into a two day event since I plan to use my Memorial Day Monday to finish some homework (okay, finish a lot of homework) and to play a little!


The test results came back from my doctor. Everything looks to be normal. That's good right? So, why am I still in pain? I was given a prescription for pain killers and told if it doesn't get better in two weeks, then the doctor will have a CAT scan done to check out my insides. I just hope it all goes away soon. It would be nice to not have any more pain.

That's it for now. I better get back to cleaning especially since I have church at 1pm and dinner with the family at 5pm.

What's Wrong With Me?

As a little bit of a back story, I have been having abdominal pains on and off since March, but since the beginning of May they have been consistently bothering me. So, I decided it was time to see a doctor yesterday and she is concerned. She got a red blood cell count (yes, drew blood and almost passed out) and wants an ultra sound today. I go to the hospital at one to get my ultra sound and hopefully we have all test results back by tonight or tomorrow (at the latest). She was debating whether we should do the ultrasound or a Cat-scan and went with the ultra sound first. Hopefully we can pin down what's wrong with me because it would be nice to eat regularly again and not have pain. Here's to hoping...

In other news, Heather's head stone finally went up yesterday, so now my plans for visiting the Delta Cemetery where she is buried are coming together again. I'll be able to find her easily! There's just one problem...Delta is about 1-2 hours from where I live so it would have to be on a weekend. I don't care though. I need to continue my healing process and this may help. Love and miss you Heather!

It's May and there's Snow???

I am a little upset. I woke up this morning to snow. Really Utah? Rain I can handle (and love), but snow in May, when we are so close to June? Really? I slipped twice this morning on my way to class and now everything is wet. My homework is wet, my notes are wet and the ink from my pen marking on my notes is running, this is just ridiculous. I think global warming is suck a hoax and you wan to know why? Because it is freaking snowing in Utah at the end of May. Snow...GO AWAY!!

As I listen...

As I listen, I realize how hard I have to fight and how bad I want it...So, here I go.

I'm a dork...and so is he! Part 2

Yes, mine and Brian's epic Gaia adventures continue! Today we played a lot of Gaia and realized how much of a geek and a dork both of us were. We played a certain part of the game for gold (the source of income in Gaia) and for Orbs (a way to power up). In this particular section of the game, you put together a crew of about 5-6 people and attempt to defeat the saw blades that come to life and try to stop you from fulfilling this task. There are three levels. The harder the level, the more gold and orbs and rewards you receive. We played this particular section of the game so many times that I leveled up 2.3 levels (yes, that is a HUGE accomplishment in this game). When we finally decided to stop, we sat back for a moment looked at each other, laughed and proceeded to acknowledge how big of dork we are. Then we went back to the process we started yesterday. We looked for ways to make ourselves bigger dorks by finding items for our doctor who character and making companions for him. We also started a petition that we intend to send to Gaia asking them to have doctor who items in the Marketplace. Yes, we are dorks! I am a dork...and so is he! But you know what? We would have it any other way!!!

I'm a dork...and so is he!

Today was an interesting day to say the least. I have not been feeling well lately and had a small fever this morning when I woke up. I went to school and studied. Then I got a text from my bestest best friend in the entire world, Brian. He texted me asking if I was feeling okay. I explained to him that I didn't feel well (we tell each other everything). I continued to study since I have a test this week. I finally couldn't pay anymore attention, so I went over to his place where he cooked and laid me down on the couch for me to sleep a bit. I slept for a bit while he finished cooking (he loves to cook). He woke me up to get me fed and then we sat and watched a movie for a bit. Then we hoped on the computer to play our favorite game...Gaia!

For those who don't know, Gaia is an online game. You pick a character (avatar) and then you complete a series of tasks, such as defeating ten gnomes or fighting the animated saw blades. Anyways, you get rewards and gold for all tasks completed. So, today, Brian and I decided to get on Gaia and look around the marketplace. Since Brian's character is obviously a boy we decided to look for a suit and that is when the fun and feeling better began! We are both very avid Doctor Who fans. A recent doctor sported a suit and a trench coat for his costume. Part of his story includes a pocket watch in the third season and in the specials! So, we went crazy and purchased a suit, a trench coat and a pocket watch for our "The_Doctor905" character. We also found out that there are at least six other Doctor Who fans. Now, we are attempting to start a petition to have Gaia sell Doctor Who stuff in the Gaia stores so our characters can sport Doctor Who stuff! Needless to say this made my day and I felt better after all of this.

Yes, I know. I am a dork...and so is he! But we wouldn't have it any other way!!!

Yeah for a fun day with my best friend!

Also, can I say how much I like (not love) summer. I love the idea of having day light all the way through 10:00pm! I love it!!!

Alright, I will stop being a dork now...unlikely to happen though!! :)

Head vs. Heart

I always feel as though I am constantly in a battle. Head vs. heart...that's always the case. Do I do what I want to do or what everyone expects me to do? I have so many things that I think about on a daily basis and I have to decide if my brain or my heart is going to win. I am the kind of person who wants to have her heart win the battle everytime, but logic must be used in all aspects of life as well. I am also catious with my heart because of all the heartache and broken hearts I have faced in the last year. Heather died and I am still facing the reprocusions of a broken heart everyday and I have a very good friend in Afghanistan with a 50/50 chance of coming back home alive and in one piece. I am also facing the idea that someone I love so completely may decide to not love me in return even though he does now. Somedays, I want to run away. Go somewhere new and start all over, with no hurt, but I know that is not possible. Every night when I go to sleep, I wonder if it is all worth it, and every single night the Lord tells me one thing..."it is so worth it." I just have to get through these trials in my life and I will be blessed for them and be blessed with new trials.

I am going to leave some quotes for everyone to ponder on at the end of this entry...

"I wish I could see your trials, your pain. I wish I could feel it and hold you in my arms and tell you how it will all work out. I won't judge you. I will just love you."

"I don't love you because you are perfect. I love you because you are perfect for me."

Summer School and Employment

Yes, folks you read it right. I am enrolled in first block summer courses at UVU. Usually I end up going to BYU (visiting student program) or work. But I have put a lot of thought into it and I feel as though this is the right thing to do! I am liking it so far, but it is only the first week. I am taking it somewhat easy this summer. I decided to go as a part-time student so that once I do find steady employment I can have more hours. I think I am taking about 10 credits this first block.

Now, I am still looking for a job. However, I did receive a phone call yesterday. It was a colorguard instructor asking for some help and yes, I get paid. This is nice. I would like to have a colorguard or dance team of my own to teach, but occasional summer clinics and camps are going to have to do for now. I think I get $40 dollars for helping out today!! Not much, but hey, work is work, right? I do know of a few high schools potenitally hiring for a colorguard instructor, so everyone cross your fingers.

Okay, now off to make $40!

Done!!!

Finals are over for the semester! That means Disneyland is tomorrow night! I think I did well on my final today! I am so ready for a break!!

Final Count...

There was no pun intended in the title. The BIG portfolio is for my final and it came out to be 94 pages total. This includes the title page, table of contents, index, appendices, pictures, graphs, and the actual content of the portfolio. Phew! I can now put that aside and focus on my dance final tomorrow. It is going to be tough. Everyone thinks I am way good at dance and that it comes to me easily. WRONG!! I have to work for it and this is my hardest dance final so far. Yeah, I will be happy when it's all over and I can go to Disneyland for a few days and relax!!!

Longest Outline Ever

As I have mentioned before, finals start tomorrow. One of my classes requires a portfolio as the final, so all I have to do is go to the teacher and hand it in then head to my next final. The portfolio is a pretty big portfolio as we have been putting it together since the beginning of February. Until this morning, we were not required to have an outline for our portfolio. Now, we must have one. I wrote out the outline (it doesn't have to be typed) and have already hit six pages of an outline and I am not even half way finished with it yet. I am trying to meet all the requirements for this outline and put the finishing touches on the portfolio. All in all, I estimate (with the outline attached) to have a 70+ page portfolio by Tuesday to hand into my professor. Oh, the life of a college student. I will be glad to hope on a plane to California...Disneyland in three days!!!

Oh and as an added bonus, my friend Ryan, who is serving in the U.S. Marine Corp might be coming up to visit me while in California. He is stationed at a base in California, but ships out to Afghanistan on May 9th for a highly classified mission (he said he can't give me too much detail or else he would put people in danger). All I ask is that everyone prays for our soldiers. He is going to a dangerous part of Afghanistan and has a 50/50 chance of coming home alive. I am so grateful that I have a friend willing to fight for my freedom!! Thanks buddy!

Finals Week and DIsneyland

Yes, it is Saturday and finals week has not technically started yet. However, I thought I would at least post a blog regarding current happenings since my last post was about the successful season my performance group was given. I can honestly say, now, I rarely know what to do with my time. Every morning I would wake up with a list of things I needed to do that day. I would start and then lose the motivation to continue, so then I would go hang out with my best friend Brian. Now, I am sitting at the computer that sits in my room (since the fan in my other computer decided to die) writing this blog. I started the day by taking Brian to the airport (he will be in various parts of California this week), then I got right to work cleaning my room. I made my bed, started a pile for dirty clothes cleaned off the night stand and cleared enough of a space to get on this computer. I feel very unproductive today, but hopefully that will change once I get off the computer. I have a HUGE list of things that I must get done this weekend or else I may stress a whole lot.

Finals start on Monday, but I am not too worried about most of them yet. One of them is a group presentation and 50% of the grade was whether or not we showed up to Thursdays class, preparation for the presentation (which happened on Thursday) and grade check, so I have at least a 50% on that final already!

I am way excited for what happens after finals...DISNEYLAND!!! Last time I was in Disneyland, I was a wee little thing and barely remember any of the events that took place. It will be nice to be in California again and to not have to worry about school for a while!! I will be taking loads of pictures!! Wednesday night can't seem to come fast enough.

Now, back to cleaning...

Utah Bound..

I a still in Ohio waiting to board a plane back to Utah. I am very sad. Friday was the very last performance we had together as a team. I love all of them like my family and yet, I have to leave them behind once I reach Utah. We will have a banquet in May and some summer clinics where I will learn to be an effective teacher and help teach many classes to other performers and directors as well. But since most of those are not mandatory, I don't know when we will all be together again. After finishing out the season with the 13th spot in the entire world out of 104 groups, I can honestly say I am proud and honored to perform alongside people I love.

To Susan Raymond, my other mom aside from my real mom and Momma Dupaix. How I love your wisdom and the trust you gave to me to care for everyone else because I am the oldest. Thanks for taking me under your wing and trusting me to do almost anything.

To Sumer Addy, my mentor and friend. Thank you for trusting me to take your movement and your show (your "baby") to another level. Thanks for allowing me to grow so much as a dancer and for helping me gain the confidence to to go foreward with my dance career.

To Cory Oliver, my friend and the brother I felt I never had. Thank you so much for loving me more than I loved myself and for never judging me. Thank you for helping me understand my potential and my excellence, even when I felt I had none.

These people taught and trained me to be the best and now we must part ways. Sumer and Cory are potenitlly going away and I will not be with the group next year. I see Cory regularly as we are going to practice for bigger auditions and bigger plans!

I am holding back many sorrowful tears at the moment, but it will all be okay.

13 is not so unlucky...

Why? Because that was our final palcement for World's!!! We accomplished our goal! We wanted top 20! The fianl fifteen go to finals! We got the 14th spot going into finals but came out with hte number 13 spot in the end!!! It was a very productive week!

Brief Update

Yes! In Ohio and it is so beautiful here. Mostly, because it was almost 80 degrees yesterday. A far cry from the blizzard we had in Utah on Monday. Plus, I get to be with a lot of cool people! We perform today as a show-n-tell a few times, then dress up for dinner and go watch other groups! Tomorrow is the ultimate day! We figure out a projected score and placement. Finals are so close and we hope to make it to top 15. Now, I am sitting in the hotel room, waiting to go to rehearsal and do a performance today! Here we go!

Dayton Bound

Going to Ohio! Be gone from April 6-11th. Wish us luck. We are in a great spot to potenital take finals! My love to all!

Movie Review-The Blind Side

I am going to admit it...I went to FHE for the first time in a long time. There was a flier on the door of the apartment stating that FHE was a movie night and that we were watching The Blind Side. Oh my goodness, such an amazing movie! I loved it I can see why Sandra Bullock got an award. The movie made me cry, but it was so frekaing good! I loved every moment of it. The actting was amazing, the sotry line was heart-wrenching and heart-warming...everything about this movie was great. Five stars!

Roller Coaster of a Week

This entry week has proven to be a week of trials. But I must start off with the results of our California trip. It was such a blast. Our group placed second overall and are now sitting at number 16 in the World! We were then invited to go to the International Competition in Ohio (as known as World's). We are still trying to decide if we should go. We would be in Ohio from April 6-11th. The top 60 groups go to World's, the top 32 from the preliminary performance go on to semi-finals and the top 15 from semi-finals go on to finals. Hence our excitement. Sitting in the #16 spot gives us hope and potential to hit finals. So, for the next week or so, we doing all we can and working very hard to hit the #15 spot.

However, a few days after leaning about our amazing spot, I got a major shock. The principal of the high school that I work at informed me that budget cuts were being made and I am being let go as of April 9th. I thought everything would be okay since I still had my job at Craft Supplies. However, on Friday, I found out that they are eliminating my position and I have two weeks left at Craft Supplies USA. I guess it is time to find a new job. I don't like this one bit. I had a BIG plan that I was in the middle of completing, but now, I have a set back. I did cry on Friday and Saturday. I taked to one of my instructors, Cory, and he re-assured me.

I absolutely love Cory. He is like the older brother I never had. He sat me down and told me a lot of things I needed to hear. Then, he commented about my "gift of hard work." Please note he is not LDS, but recognizes talent, passion and abilities. I loved out talk!

Yep, I am hoping for a better week.

Last Week of March 2010

I don't have a lot of time. This entry is being done at school because I finished everything and am now waiting to go to my 9am class. However, I felt as though I needed to have some sort of an update.

This weekend was a very fun and eventful weekend. To make a long story short, I participate in a performance group that is helping me pay for school! Our performances were just that...performances. Now, we are in competitive mode. This weekend we trekked out to California with a high school group and another performance group from Weber State, to event a competitive event in Rancho Cucamonga. There were nine groups in our division and we had to place top five in order to have the success we needed. We did place top five, in face, we placed second overall. Our performance group is now sitting at #16 in our division competitively and #17 in the world. We are now debating a World Championship performance. If we improve our standing and our score these next two weeks, we could sit in top 15 which would guarantee us an amazing spot at Worlds! Great weekend overall!

I can't believe it is the last full week of March. I have so much to do. I am back from the California trip and have homework, work, teaching, performing and so much more to do. Today I have to finish my portfolio so that I can get it all put together and edited before I turn it in Thursday (it is not due until next week, but I get extra points for turning it in early)! My students are becoming restless too. I give them material to practice and they get it fairly well. My next task is to make things more difficult.

Now, it is 9am and class must be attended. More frequent updates will occur! Promise!

Confusing Kristen...again...

My best friend, Brian, has a goal to confuse me as much as possible simply because "it is so much fun to do" as he states. Except I don't think that was his intention today. There were a series of text messages exchanged between the two of us for an hour or so. Then we both lost some texts so this is the following conversation that took place later in the day...

Brian: how about i call you when you get off work?

Me: Okay?

Brian: ???What?

Me: I am am way confused. Are you calling me? Or is it better for me to call you? When do you want to talk?

Brian: silly girl, we will figure that out when we talk on the phone...

Me: ??? So, then what time is best for you?

Brian: I told you, we will figure it out when we talk tonight.

Me: ???

Brian: Besides I have free nights and weekends and free calls to verizon customers.

Me: ??? *rolls eyes* I figured as much.

Brian: just making sure. what's with the question marks?

Me: What time are we talking?

Brian: oh, I'm not making sense am I?

Me: nope.

Brian: sorry, i am not trying to confuse you...

Me: You sure about that?

Brian: haha...how about i just text you later, yeah?

Me: okay!

Needless to say, I got extremely confused. But I can't stay frustrated at my best friend!

Looks Like a Great Week Ahead!

That's right, folks! A great week is ahead. I am going to have the usual busy week, but there are not a lot of stresses happening (that I know of)! I am also on a bit of a high! My friend from the preivous entry got baptised on Saturday and confirmed a member of the church yesterday! I am way excited still. I got to see some pictures and video footage from the event and I am thrilled. Plus, I had an amazing show on Saturday despite the staging issues. We also found out we are headed to California in two weeks for a performance. That is when K and I will meet up. I told him I owe him some Indian food since I couldn't go to his baptism on Saturday! I think we are meeting up the Friday night I arrive or the Saturday night after our preliminary performance. I just have to remember to not stress out before the trip. That is why I think it will be a great week for me.

My plans this week include:

Monday:
-Homework
-Clean
-Finish lesson plans

Tuesday:
-NCIS
-Teach
-Present lesson plans to school district

Wednesday:
-Homework
-Rehearsal
-Hang out with my best friend, Brian!

Thursday:
-Teach
-Homework

Friday:
-Rehearsal
-Homework

Saturday:
-Rehearsal
-Hang out with Brian

Sunday;
-RELAX
-Deep breath before chaos

Yes, the following week will be pretty chaotic as I will need to get my lesson plans to the assistant dance teacher and get everything ready before California!

I am just a little bit excited!

Back to lesson plans and homework!

Sick Woes turn into Happy News!

Okay, this may prove to be a long journal entry as there is a lengthy back story. But the first story has to do mostly with me. First, I am sick and have been for a few days. The doctor told me that it was a good thing that I came when I did because I have enough congestion and mucus that I was show very early signs of pneumonia. I have had pneumonia four other times and even though I have been vaccinated for it, I was told that I am still at high risk for developing pneumonia again. So, I was given a prescription and sent on my way. So, I have been feeling crappy for a while.

Now, way is this story important? Read the rest of the post and you will see why.

I am going to tell you the story of my friend K (I will not give his full name). Back in 2008 he met a girl, whom we will call M. In early 2009, these two started dating and became really close friends! In fact, K wanted to marry this girl. She introduced him to the church and he gladly went (mostly for her though). After a few months, things between them just didn't work out and K though this was his sign from God that he should not join the church. Due to his heartbreak, he packed away all his church books and continue on with his life. Then, something exciting happened! K flew out to Utah in October of 2009 for business purposes (he is a young author...young being 21). He had a presentation to do in Payson on Saturday and a book signing on Monday. M's older sister Valerie and I decided this was the right time to bring him back to where he was before his heartbreak. He came with us to church and then we went to temple square. The next day he was at Temple Square the whole day. When he left Utah that Tuesday night, he was "practically ready to be baptised within the month," and happy to move forward yet again with investigating the church. Then, in November, his ex-girlfriend, M got engaged and this upset K to the point were he decided pursuing the church since he still felt as though his feelings for M were part of the reason he was interested in the church anyways. After about a month hiatus I decided it was time to start sending his spiritual quotes, messages and scriptures to highlight and ponder. Interestingly enough, he was feeling extremely depressed that week and decided to pull out his scriptures and read some "happy verses" as he likes to call them. Then he say my message to him. This started at the beginning of December. Since then we have been messaging back and forth daily about life and about the Gospel. He told me he is never happy unless his going to church and reading his scriptures, but that he felt he would not be ready to join until late 2010 or early 2011. I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't earlier, but I could tell God was working on K and working on my patience.

Now, back to the story of me being sick. I was walking out of the doctor's office feeling yucky. I looked at my phone to check the date and time and noticed I had a text message from facebook stating that I had a message from K. I went to Walmart to fill my prescription and went home as fast as I could to check the message. This is what it said:

"Subject: hello there!

Guess who's getting baptized on March 6? :)
That Book Of Mormon you gave me is covered with highlights and notes. It's really important to me now, so thanks for sharing it with me when I was in SLC. Reading that has been a big part of my life and in deciding to (finally!) join the church.

--K"

I was so excited and felt so much better on the inside. I went from being sick and feeling crappy to being sick. and feeling better about everything! I had to personally call him and congradulate him. During the phone call he thanked me and said I was "an amazing friend" and wanted to personally invite me to his baptism. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend due to a performance that night. However, we are making plans to get together.

Happy! But sick!

Kristen

Planning Ahead!

I took a look at what I have going on this week and have deicded that it is in my best interest to get ahead in my school work. I am extremely busy this week and will most likely only be home at night to tuck into bed after many exhausting days. I teach a lot and rehearse a whole bunch this week in preparation for Saturdays show. Today and Monday are the only breaks I get from teaching and rehearsing. I will work a whole lot, go to school teach, finish the costumes for my students, take inventory for the emergency box, get video footage going, get thank you letters out to sposors, all while staying healthy so I don't miss Saturdays show (I can't miss I just don't like perofring while sick). Needless, to say, I may die this week. If I do please give me a nice funeral!

Hitting the library...already?

I sit here in the library thing "how can this be? It is the first full week of school and I am already feeling the weight of homework." Maybe, I should not start the weekend homework until Friday? But I want to get it all done. I already have two portfolios due within the next week or two. I was advised by my teacher to start today since they are not the easy throw everything together last minute 10-page portfolio. Oh, no...these are the take two weeks to do assignment 1 and three days to do assignment 2 and then reflect on them in no less than 3 pages and include and index and a table of content type portfolio. I have my work cut out for me this semester!

Starting School=Change?

I love school. I really do. I love the idea of learning (I like to think of myself as an inquisitive girl). However, I have only been to school for less than a week and I am already tired just thinking about everything. I need to find a better outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I think I have found that outlet, but I can't disclose any details yet.

I think I like this whole "new year, new decade" concept! It goes with a plan I have!

I know, I am not making sense. But hopefully this week, everything will finally make sense...hopefully!

Now, off to bed!

2009 in Review and some of 2010 stuff...

I stole this from my Aunt. I liked it so I thought I would use it...

2009 Year in Review!

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? Worked two jobs while going to school.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember all of my resolutions for 2009, but some I did keep. I have learned to set yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals. Today's goal was completed!

Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes!

Did anyone close to you die? A couple people I knew died in 2009. In October, Heather Chrisenten made the ultimate sacrifice...she laid down her life in place of the people she loved and cared about thus saving over 50 students lives. Sister Wilson went in December. Both are still a little too close to the heart.

What countries did you visit? None.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? There are a few things...a dog, some more confidence, have a friend get baptised to name a few...

What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The exact dates may be a bit off...July when I lost my best friend (I am still fighting to get her back), October 10th, 2009 the night that changed my life because Heather was no longer here, September is when I found out about my friend being deployed...needless to say it has been a tough year. October 11th, 2009 I met Kaleb Nation and found out he was willing to investigate the church again!

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Holding two jobs while going to school (got the good grades to prove it!)

What was your biggest failure? Being so indecisive about my degree.

Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes. Don't ask me which ones...oh wait the one where a heavy metal object fell on my shin and I walked around with a limp for a few days...

What was the best thing you bought? Not sure.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Many, mostly celebrities or people in the news.

Where did most of your money go? Daily expenses.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting to teach dance at a high school and meeting Kaleb Nation.

What song will always remind you of 2009? I have WAY too many to list.

Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, richer, nicer? Happier...that is tough since I feel like I lost a lot of people this last year. I will put yes, but only slightly. Richer, I think somewhat since I have two jobs, but most of it goes into savings. Nicer, I would like to think so.

What do you wish you'd done more of? Traveling, but alas, too poor to do so.

What do you wish you'd done less of? Homework, but I don't really have a choice in the matter.

How did you spend Christmas? With my mom, dad sister's and my sister's boyfriend.

Did you fall in love in 2009? I had some crushes.

What was your favorite TV program? A-Team, Doctor Who, NCIS. They still are my favorites.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year. No.

What was the best book you read this year? The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (I am on book two now and book three comes out in August of 2010)!

What was your greatest musical discovery? Guitar

What did you want and get? A lot of things...some peace from Heather's death (I got it about three weeks after the fact when I was driving to work and listening to some hymns on a sunny day and I saw a rainbow...Heather loved rainbows and music and sunny days), good grades, etc.

What were your favorite films of this year? I have too many favorites. I think I have and will always love Pan's Labryinth, I didn't mind Star Trek although it did have some inconsistences, I loved Harry Potter 6 (best one so far), and am starting to have a love of old movies (Jamie's doing) and international movies (also Jamie's doing).

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 22. Woke up too early for my liking (but took a 3 hour nap), went home to Oregon, went shopping and almost got murdered by all the Oregon State fans, had dinner with the family and enjoyed some ice cream cakes after a family of Oregon State fans saw my BYU shirt and glared...

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More traveling, less stress, finding a job earlier, and Kaleb getting baptised (okay so more than one thing).

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Whatever I had, but usually Ross, T.J. Max, Old Navy or school spirit clothes!

What kept you sane? Family, friends, and lots of praying (yes, God is amazing).

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hmm...Christopher Eccelston from Doctor Who! Chraming and witty! *sigh* too bad he is too old for me

What political issue stirred you the most? A few. Prop 8 not because of what it would change but how it came about and the reactions after the matter...I mean writing "bigots" on the institute of religion property is childish and stupid.

Who did you miss? A whole freakin lot of people...grandma and grandpa, Heather, loads of people.

Who was the best new person (people) you met? Kaleb Nation cause he is way cool.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Don't take life for granted.

What are you most excited for in 2010? The idea of a new year and a new decade. I have a whole lot of dreams to get fulfilled and a lot of ideas!

What are you least excited for in 2010? Year round school. I love learning and love school and have a plan to go for a while, but I would like to not have to go so much.

2009 has proven to be difficult, but "that which does not kill you only makes you stronger!" I am hoping for busy and productive. 2010 is already going well, but is only the first day.

Here is hoping 2010 is better!