This Is When The Doubt Begins

I have come to a realization within the last few days. I really want to spend the new few years, not only directing and teaching Springville High School's colorguard, but to also be a visual technician/consultant to other high school programs. My good friend Cory does something similar...he is the main staff member for an independent group known in American Fork as Wasatch Independent but helps out with American Fork High School, American Leadership Academy and various schools in Idaho, California and Nevada. I was at the Pleasant Grove Strawberry Days Parade and saw a school with a strong colorguard. They have an excellent fall program, placing first in their division every year, but never field a winterguard (last I heard it is because they did not know how to go about it). BUT they have the commitment level. I see their band director at all the winterguard meetings every year interested in starting a program but not knowing where to begin. He has a director and I must say, she is a wonderful director, but does not have the confidence to even start. So, I want to take her under my wing. She can be the director (deal with parents, take care of logistics, decision on music and show concept, etc.) but I would love to choose their costumes, write their drill and work and overall help them move along. Plus if they are successful, then I have an in the expanding my goal to go global.

I would love to network myself out of state, even starting in Idaho or Oregon at tiny schools who just want technique. I am willing to take workshop after workshop to be a better teacher and to help this goal. I envied my high school choreographer. We had rehearsals where we just charted the show because for two weeks after that rehearsal he would be in California, Alabama, Ohio, Canada, Washington, and even Texas to write shows and teach as a special guest. Imagine me doing that...ME. I want to stay with Springville as their full-time director. They have a lot of potential and heart and I see their big break coming soon. However, I look at people like Lindsay, like my choreographer, like Cory who are doing so great in their respective fields. I want to do the same!

However, I am doubting myself. I know how to approach the said school in the first paragraph, but I fear what may happen in this pursuit. What if I fail to help a group? I could potentially hold the fate of many programs in hands. A lot of band directors decide the fate of their colorguard programs by how successful they are. I could determine that in a good or bad way. I hope I never fail. Now, I start my pursuit!

What My Gut Tells Me...

I like to think I am smart. Until recently, I tend to think things through and have a clear understanding of many things, although there is still so much for me to learn. But I have started trusting my instincts and listening to my gut (and it has never failed me). I have been blessed (or cursed) with a certain "ability" for lack of a better word. Whenever my gut is telling me something important I get a major anxiety attack. I pace around the apartment (or wherever I am) for hour trying to calm myself down and organize my thoughts (I usually fail at this) then sort through why I am so anxious and nervous. Well, this happened recently (within the last week) and occurs on a daily basis. Something that sometimes accompanies this nervous breakdown are recurring thoughts on a particular subject (that is usually my cue as to why I am so anxious). This one steams from my job. Let me explain!

When I started part-time (understatement of the century) teaching at Springville in October 2010, I noticed that Lindsay had established a hard-working well-rounded group. I applaud Lindsay for the work she did and the way she structured the program. However, I have had a gut feeling for a long while now to completely break down and re-structure (or re-construct) the program. I would add in a little bit of everything...Kim, Lindsay, me, and the instructors I was taught by to give these kids the maximum opportunity to grow. I have many ideas that I want to put into play, some that may not work at all, but everytime I see those kids I feel compelled to do something, re-structure everything and build this program from the ground up. Everytime I think about doing so, I get very scared but my gut tells me, if I work very hard to re-build the program this year, everything will work out next year and for the years to come. I feel with the re-structuring of the program, it will allow for smoother transitions, I can help build the program finances and help get respect from the school. It will involve me putting my foot down and not letting parents walk all over me. I may lose some valuable members but I feel that this is right. I am going to let my instincts guide me on how I need to build up the program. I am already executing quite a few things to help the program and am excited about it all! The kids sense that things are changing. Some are taking it very well. Others are still sitting at the edge of the lake wondering if this is a good idea. Hopefully, everyone will be on board. I plan to post plans and musings on this topic later!

The biggest obstacle that my students will be facing as I re-structure the program will be money. I looked at the budget for the colorguard for the next year and I know the only way we are going to support ourselves financially is through rigorous fundraising. There is just one problem...I have to get creative. I am not allowed to use a fundraiser another group uses (like a car wash...that is off-limits because the cheerleaders do car washes and we are not allowed to take away any funding potentials for another group). I have had a lot of people tell to just give up and deal with budget, but I just can't do that. I see other groups in worse situations get funding somehow (Dixie High School in St. George travel to Utah and Salt Lake County to attend every competition...that is travel fees for the bus and a hotel stay and some how they manage). It angers me the way everything in our district is shifted. Don't get me started on the rant that I just had with Victoria about it.

Well, I should get off my rant and soap box now. I am hoping to unveil the new Springville website soon!!! I will post a link to that when it is ready!

Until the next blog...ciao!

30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge

Closer to the Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars

Before I go through my bedtime routine, I just had to make sure everyone knew about this amazing video that Jared Leto, aka Bartholomew Cubbins, directed. This is the music video of one of the songs of my favorite band 30 Seconds to Mars off their third album This Is War! This is the band in their raw form. In an interview on the This Is War DVD off the exclusive album, they note that this is a mini-version of a tour documentary. This song sat in the trash can for several months before it was rescued and it is truly amazing!

Yes, lead singer Jared Leto is sporting a blonde, black, brown and "pomegranate, not pink" (his words not mine) mohawk in a good chuck of the clip. He often has different hair styles in each music video (but don't go looking at all the music videos if you do not want to see some inappropriate things). This is one of the cleaner music videos as they wanted to capture their tour and their fans (more like family, or, The Echelon as they are called) in the raw pure form that they are. The band plans on (eventually) releasing their official tour video (apparently the video is still with their record label EMI and being reviewed).

The people being interviewed for the video are fans, literally fans that Jared pulled from the crowd to film. He sat some of them down and simply said "I want to hear your story...Go!" and what came from it was amazing. Yes, this video shows just how insane the concerts are, the passion in the band, the drive and commitment of the Echelon and the band and the dedication and hard work this band puts forth (they have been signed since 1998 and have been working super hard to promote their music ever since).

Some things of note...yes, Jared's eyes are that blue and no he does not wear contacts. I find him rather attractive and he will be turning 40 in December (yeah, I was shocked too). His brother Shannon just turned 41 and Tomo, the guitarist, turns 32 this year. They look young in many videos and interviews. Jared's quote is "follow your dreams...no matter what." Yes, he is a dreamer and believes everyone should be. I will post a video with him talking about dreams later. But for now...

ENJOY!

A Scare Coupled With Bad Memories

I had a HUGE scare today. Three friends of mine were in a bus accident. They are performing members of Troopers Drum and Bugle Corp and were headed to Iowa to kick off their 2011 tour when a tire popped and the bus flipped. Does this ring a bell. Several of us were on edge. Was this going to be another Heather Christensen Moment? Were we going to have to say goodbye all over again? I was praying for a miracle...and boy did it come! Casey has a briused arm and leg, swollen face and a broken nose but was released from the hospital after only a few hours. David had his shoulder, left arm and left leg slammed against a wall so a big bruise is left in those spots but he is fine. Gretchen is shaken a bit and is heavily bruised but wasn't in the hospital for more than an hour. We were assured that they are all okay and being looked after by a volunteer corp nurse. They are sleeping now (or trying too at least) and doing well. Casey's phone is still at the crash site so I heard her only briefly on speaker phone Everybody has munor injuries but all are okay!

This news opened up a new wave of emotions for me as well as a lot of people. Many of us realized that both Heather and Sara probably played a hand in protecting all of them. The bus crash from this accident has very similar accounts of Heather's accident that took her life. One person to comfort us, Tiffany Miller. She heard about Troopers accident and dropped everything to help. She was someone who say Heather's body the night she made her final heroic act...and she was with my friends this morning! I send her a facebook message, remembering the day my world turned upside but not mourning because she and Sara take care of us from a far off place. I had memories of the night I found out about Heather and the night I got the news involving Sara. This opened up emotions I had safely locked away in a drawer in my memories so that I didn't have to re-live them again...and tonight I did. A bunch of us were on edge, staying close to our phone and waiting...just waiting for the update. Seeing their faces on the news and hearing their voices made all of us feel so much better. We were not going to have another Heather moment, were we end up angry, confused and cry for weeks at a time because we were not ready to lose our three friends. Now, that the scare is over (I heard they were okay about 30 minutes ago), I should try and sleep. Maybe a nice warm shower will help that process...

Well-rested?

I wrote yesterdays blog completely and totally exhausted understanding that the next few days are not going to get any easier. Today is the last day of technique camp for my students (whom I sometimes refer to as my kids) and then tomorrow three of my kids have clinic while I have a 2 hour circuit meeting and a 2 hour marching band meeting (oh yeah---sarcasm). Then on Sunday, I finally get all the paperwork I need printed and loaded for the Sunday evening weekly Springville High School Colorguard email (yes, every Sunday night from now until I no longer work at Springville High School). Then next week it is five six hour days of parade camp followed by TWO parades next Saturday (holy crow). After that another email will get sent out and then I will happily accept the twice a week early morning rehearsals (I think they start the week before first block finals) until August when another camp AND band camp happen (why do we end up scheduling camps two weeks in a row?). Summer is intense, but everything gets done in the summer so that Fall runs smoothly!

So, last night, after writing my blog about being so tired I ended up just turning off the computer and going straight to bed. To my surprise, I slept rather well. Once I was asleep I didn't wake until about 6:55am (which is quite late for me considering my first class is at 8am). My sunburn on my back and shoulders did motivate me to not sleep until 7:15am like I wanted too, but I did get up later than usual. Surprisingly, I feel well-rested (for now?). Dance kicked my butt today as midterms are next week but I am not as tired as I have been! Maybe the nice deep sleep and just sheer exhaustion drove me to actually fall asleep fast and get some meaningful rest! I plan on definitely napping on Sunday to get the renewed energy I need to tackle Parade Camp week and midterms next week.

Okay, now on to other matters besides my job (which seems to be my main focus). I am thinking of posting a few BIG lists within the next week regarding some art projects I have in mind (and may need help with) as well as a goal/bucket list I have had for a while. I don't want everyone to know about every goal but there are some that may be of interest to people or that I may need some assistance with! I guess that is a promise of two posts in the very near future!

Now, off to print up captain sheets, make a vocabulary sheet and to run the last day of technique camp (oh and fix a rifle).

Tuckered Out Teens and Teacher

I came home from school today and my roommate, Victoria, noted that I looked exhausted. She then said "good thing you are not teaching today!" Actually Victoria, I teach until the end of next week (next Saturday is when my break comes). Even on Sunday, after I attend church, I have some important things to do. It is odd though that I love working hard? Every night I try to go to bed early because I know I will be laying there thinking and thinking and thinking. Since my brain rarely decides to shut up at night, I tend to lay down for an hour or two to think and then eventually fall asleep. So, I tend to be up at all hours of the night and not by choice either. But I trek on everyday!

I went to Springville High School today to teach and even the girls noticed I was tired (as are they). Everyone was very sore (including me) and I was frustrated since we had only three people in attendance and I had a full of work planned. Tomorrow will hopefully be different. More parade work, some rifle practice, more movement phrases and correction of across-the-floor sequences, a bit of paperwork, a lot of negotiating, and overall just excitement that technique camp is done this week (and parade camp for 8 hours everyday next week). I am so excited though. I think the parade routine is going to be boringly easy that way we can focus on other things.

I see the fatigue in my students but their eagerness inspires me. They have high goals for themselves and know what they want and are willing to do what they can to achieve them! They just need to make it through the next few weeks without any mental breakdowns and then I think we will be okay!

I hope to get a few more posts regarding things other than colorguard up very soon. Maybe I can tomorrow after I take a long nap!

It's not the 2nd yet...

I know...2 posts in one day! Gasp! It's not even June 2nd yet, but yes. I am creating another post. I am so sunburnt. I was outside for a good five hours today for my colorguard students technique camp and the sunscreen didn't hold up (higher SPF or apply more frequently?). It doesn't hurt too bad but dance class is going to kick my butt tomorrow since we do a lot of work on the ground and on our backs. I will get a picture going of the burn later. I am so red on my shoulders and neck (surprisingly my face was protected perfectly although I did get a sunburn yesterday on my face that is still healing). I love those girls and they just work so hard. They were pushed pretty hard today and took it in stride. They did everything that was asked of them and more, were praised and criticized (I think I should be giving for praises) and at times begged for us to let them have longer breaks. But Lindsay (former director and now Visual Technician) and I kept pushing, kept going and told them to not give up. We let them out 30 minutes early because they were just so exhausted after five hours (as were Lindsay and I) but what we accomplished was, in fact, amazing. I could see the frustration in their eyes but I know that what they accomplished today and what will be accomplished over the next two days will surpass anyone's expectations.

I asked Lindsay about what she wanted technique-wise in the marching band show this year since she is writing most of it. When she said ..."a double on flag would be nice..." I thought, maybe these girls can do it...and they did. Technically, they are not perfect, but it is achievable at this point. If they can achieve doubles on flag 7-8 weeks prior to band camp, imagine the possibilities of a clean double by band camp in August! I am hoping the other people interested decide to join and show up to future rehearsals! I am excited for this year. Parade season will be rough, fall season will be fun (and cold) and winter will rock! I am super excited for everything! *squeal*

I have a giant art project in mind (well, more than one but you get the idea). I am not going to reveal it yet because it is in the beginning stages, but everyone will be made aware of it very soon.

Time to go to bed.

P.S. A rather long post is coming in the next few days (long is an understatement). It has taken nearly two weeks to compose but you will understand once it is posted.

June? Really?

I can tell you by the bi-polar Utah weather, it certainly does not feel like June. We have had decent weather the past day or so but the rain has been persistent in giving me an Oregon summer instead of a Utah summer (which is just fine by me!).

Everything is in a whirlwind right now. For the next two weeks I do nothing but go to school, do homework, prepare for colorguard, write up papers for colorguard, attend a colorguard instructor meeting (on Saturday), walk in the hot sun to make sure my students are doing everything correctly in two parades, choreography a pep assembly routine, study like mad for a math test and a math midterm, do visiting teaching (my goal is to get it done early), and clean my room (thanks to all the stuff I have had to do it is a mess...not even an organized mess, just a complete mess).

I guess I am shocked that June has crept up on me so fast. So, much is going on in the next little while but I think it will all be okay. I could use another 3-day weekend...please?