I will not go into the details about everything that happened, but I did do something very wrong that hurt a lot of people in recent times. Now, most people would think that the best way to discipline me is to have me go through a consequences. I have interesting information...I will take my consequence but I am so hard on myself when I make a mistake.
When I was in drum corp, there were a lot of rules. Leave your dot book on the field and you have to run five laps around the field. Leave your equipment at a show and it goes everywhere with you...literally (you have to sleep with it too). If you leave pages of your dot book on your field and don't replace or update it then you do kitchen duty. I am pretty sure me and a few other rookies at the time broke every single rule (unintentionally, of course). Whenever, we broke these rules the other rookies would get extremely angry saying that they thought the punishments were unfair. Not me. I take my punishment, but it is the feeling that I disappointed someone that makes me upset. I had a staff member tell me for 10 minutes how much he was disappointment in me because he was always fighting for me to have a solo or be in a certain part of the show. I carried that around with me for a long time.
Needless, to say, I am a weird child. About 90% of the time, I will take my punishment and spend quite a long time wallowing in the fact that I disappointed someone. That is what I feel like right now...a disappointment to a lot of people. I am trying to do what I can to fix this, including a contract that I hope and pray a few people accept.
So, to those I have recently, or ever, hurt I really do apologize even if it doesn't seem like I was sorry at the time. I am trying to fix what I did and am hoping and praying that the people involved will accept my apology and accept my way of fixing things.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
My Daylight Savings Story
Last night, my students had a competition. I didn't get home until late because it was not in Utah County. After making sure all of the kids had a ride home, I headed home. My car clock and cell phone were telling me it was 12:40am. When I did get home, I went upstairs to inform my mother that I was finally home. I looked at her clock and noticed it read as being 1:40am. This confused me quite a bit and I wanted to double check my cell phone clock and it still read as 12:40am so I thought the clock was incorrect. I went downstairs and went to bed. I woke up and noticed my phone flashing as 9:40am. Thinking I slept until almost 10am I went upstairs to eat some breakfast and noticed the stove clock read as 8:42am. I was extremely confused and couldn't figure out what was going on. 10 minutes later when I opened up the refrigerator to get some milk, I noticed the calendar on the refrigerator had said "March 11th-Day Light Savings Begins." Needless to say, I was thoroughly confused for quite a while and forgot it was Daylight Savings.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Going against my better judgement
I found out today that the band teacher is expecting me to re-gain her trust and the trust of the parents, not the students. But that goes against my better judgement. I have been taught to try and please the parents as much as I can while allowing the students to have fun and if they have fun but a parent is angry then that is their deal.
But I am being against to go against my better judgment. Okay. I just hope people know what they are asking for.
But I am being against to go against my better judgment. Okay. I just hope people know what they are asking for.
Monday, January 23, 2012
What None of Them Realize
What none of my students realize is how much I love and care about them. I cried quite a bit yesterday when a student accused me of not caring about my kids. Then when my student this morning threw her stuff down and walked out swearing while doing so. This mornings schedule including getting new work to the end of the show. When I went to set everyone up, one of my former captain's threw her equipment down and said (note there is swearing coming) "this is complete and total bull shit. When you and your lazy ass want to present a show that I am not embarrassed to perform you call me and tell me. Until then I am gone. I practiced and we were still messy. Thanks for making ME look ridiculous. If we weren't ready why did you put us out there. Call me when you have stuff for me to work on." I told her she has no idea what we are doing next and that in fact we were re-working the show today. She looked at me and said "Stop lying to me and tell me the truth. The music skipping was your irresponsible excuse to not have us be together and to throw us off. It is not MY fault or anyone else's fault we were messy on Saturday. Just yours. BYE NOW."
I had decided that I had had it with her attitude and told her the following "Fine. Leave and when your are ready to apologize for acting out of line, yelling and screaming and for disrespect to the team, you may come back. Until then, there is the door. You are excused!" She picked up her stuff and stomped out only to turn around and tell her best friend "You better pick the right side or we are not talking anymore." Her best friend followed her out. But that was not the end of it. I was staging the end of the show when some parents came up. No warning. Just a simple surrounding and a "we are not leaving until you talk to us." One of them is upset her daughter was cut as a captain for her attitude. Another was angry that the show was a mess on Saturday. A third did not say anything but rather was there because these parents were trying to have a strength in numbers situation. I finally told them the following "Look, you can make an appointment to talk with me after rehearsal. If you want Ms. Teot present you can make the appointment with her as well. I will not tolerate an interruption of rehearsal because you are upset. Either meet me downstairs or send me an email. I have work to do."
I think my favorite part is when Jamie Teot, the band teacher came up to me to have a chat with me. She noted the parents were angry and gave me suggestions on how to work with them. I was about to cry from stress so I instructed the rest of my kids to go over the flag feature phrase. That is when the trouble really began. My former captain came back and said she was going to be helping. From what I have gathered from the kids, they were yelled at by her and told to do what SHE said and not what I said because Jamie is my boss and if Jamie tells her (former captain) to run rehearsal then Jamie trumps Kristen and she (former captain) is allowed to do what she wants. Apparently afterwards, everyone got into it with each other.
Now, I have been receiving text messages non-stop about how the band teacher has decided to re-instate captains and how the students are not happy that the band director is making decisions for me.
I don't think any of them realize how much I love each and everyone of them, how much I want the best for them and if I had known they were not ready, I wouldn't have had them perform. They were clean in warm-up and in our Thursday rehearsal. They gave me every reason to believe they were prepared. I apologize if they felt I was the reason for them being so messy (sometimes apologizing for something you didn't do goes a long way). None of the kids had any resentment (aside from the usual two). They said they froze but that they were just not expecting so many people to watch them. They trust my judgement and plan to continue moving forward.
They don't realize that I care so much more about them then they know. I spend many nights laying in bed thinking how I can help them get better and how I can do my best for them. I have had times when I would wake up at three in the morning and choreography in my room a certain section and then write out how to help them achieve it!
I just wish they would realize that!
I had decided that I had had it with her attitude and told her the following "Fine. Leave and when your are ready to apologize for acting out of line, yelling and screaming and for disrespect to the team, you may come back. Until then, there is the door. You are excused!" She picked up her stuff and stomped out only to turn around and tell her best friend "You better pick the right side or we are not talking anymore." Her best friend followed her out. But that was not the end of it. I was staging the end of the show when some parents came up. No warning. Just a simple surrounding and a "we are not leaving until you talk to us." One of them is upset her daughter was cut as a captain for her attitude. Another was angry that the show was a mess on Saturday. A third did not say anything but rather was there because these parents were trying to have a strength in numbers situation. I finally told them the following "Look, you can make an appointment to talk with me after rehearsal. If you want Ms. Teot present you can make the appointment with her as well. I will not tolerate an interruption of rehearsal because you are upset. Either meet me downstairs or send me an email. I have work to do."
I think my favorite part is when Jamie Teot, the band teacher came up to me to have a chat with me. She noted the parents were angry and gave me suggestions on how to work with them. I was about to cry from stress so I instructed the rest of my kids to go over the flag feature phrase. That is when the trouble really began. My former captain came back and said she was going to be helping. From what I have gathered from the kids, they were yelled at by her and told to do what SHE said and not what I said because Jamie is my boss and if Jamie tells her (former captain) to run rehearsal then Jamie trumps Kristen and she (former captain) is allowed to do what she wants. Apparently afterwards, everyone got into it with each other.
Now, I have been receiving text messages non-stop about how the band teacher has decided to re-instate captains and how the students are not happy that the band director is making decisions for me.
I don't think any of them realize how much I love each and everyone of them, how much I want the best for them and if I had known they were not ready, I wouldn't have had them perform. They were clean in warm-up and in our Thursday rehearsal. They gave me every reason to believe they were prepared. I apologize if they felt I was the reason for them being so messy (sometimes apologizing for something you didn't do goes a long way). None of the kids had any resentment (aside from the usual two). They said they froze but that they were just not expecting so many people to watch them. They trust my judgement and plan to continue moving forward.
They don't realize that I care so much more about them then they know. I spend many nights laying in bed thinking how I can help them get better and how I can do my best for them. I have had times when I would wake up at three in the morning and choreography in my room a certain section and then write out how to help them achieve it!
I just wish they would realize that!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Nothing like a Mother's Love
I had an interesting experience today. I was eating at the Valley View Room (UVU's upscale cafeteria) and sat across from a family. There were four girls, a little boy and their mother. She was a single mom (she had a pamphlet for financial aid for single mom's) and was sharing food with all her kids. They couldn't afford cookies (they were asking why they couldn't have cookies and their mom simply said "because it is too much money and I don't know if I could buy enough for all of you"). The UVU student council walked around with fortune cookies and came by the table to give this struggling family a giant handful of them! I had gotten one earlier and knew exactly what each of them said. They were all the same. This is where the children's mom worked what I call "mommy's magic." Each child happily opened their cookie and then squealed in delight to find a paper with words in there. They each took turns asking their mom what it said. She started with her oldest and said "You pigtails make you look beautiful." Her oldest smiled big as her mom looked shocked and said "Whoa how did they know that!?" She continued give similar comments to her children about their beauty and how much they are loved each having three fortune cookies read to them, each squealing with delight (including her little boy). She then told each of her children that it was time to go because she had to drop them off at the UVU Wee Care Center so she could go to class.
It made me think about their situation. The whole time her kids were noisy or asking questions that would make anyone feel uncomfortable to answer, she would answer calmly. She expressed her love to her kids despite her hardship. She did not look tired and even looked hopefully when she mentioned class. This woman knows what trials are and knows how to deal with them. She faces challenges everyday and still was calm and collect. She loved her children and you could tell that is all that mattered to her...that her children were happy. I see that kind of thing everyday but for some reason I had to share this wonderful experience. It made my challenges look a little more manageable!
It made me think about their situation. The whole time her kids were noisy or asking questions that would make anyone feel uncomfortable to answer, she would answer calmly. She expressed her love to her kids despite her hardship. She did not look tired and even looked hopefully when she mentioned class. This woman knows what trials are and knows how to deal with them. She faces challenges everyday and still was calm and collect. She loved her children and you could tell that is all that mattered to her...that her children were happy. I see that kind of thing everyday but for some reason I had to share this wonderful experience. It made my challenges look a little more manageable!
Friday, December 23, 2011
My Pet Peeves
Please note that this is a ranting blog and that I am not attacking any one person.
1. I get angry when someone, who did not vote in the last election, complains about the President of the United States. In my personal opinion, if you did not vote at all, you have no right to complain, so stop telling how terrible congress is. Unless you voiced your opinion and exercised your God given right to vote, I will not have any sort of debate with you and you will hear my rant about how much I could care less about your complaints. Either you try your best to fix the country or you sit down and shut up while the rest of us try.
2. I hate it when I am driving and notice I need to change lanes and the person behind sees the exact same need for a lane change and speeds up or waits until the last minute to do so. Is shaving 5 seconds off your tie really going to get you there faster. I intentionally do not let those people in my lane and when they do make an attempt, I become a rude driver and speed up so they think they will get hit. You are not going to be rude and get away with it. I know, I am mean about it but really...are we so desperate to get ahead by five cars?
3. This one is more directed at youtube. I was watching a video and some jerk had the nerve to post (in the comments) profanity about this family and continued to bash on their videos (he is a repeat offender of said action and I had had enough). I stated what I always think when I see haters bashing on people's youtube videos..."you're just jealous that he is so famous on youtube that even your negative comment pays his bills. If you really hate his videos why do you watch every single day? Either enjoy his hard work or shut up and beat it." Again, I know I may have come off as harsh, but seriously, why are you wasting your time watching it and then writing terrible comments if you hate his videos so much? It doesn't make any sense to me.
4. I absolutely can't stand people who complain about their lives when someone who has been through far worse is standing right next to them. I witnessed this once. A former friend of mine would constantly complain about his broken thumb and how life sucked for him because he had no money to go to the hospital when a woman I love and admire just lost her daughter and she was trying to save her marriage and paying two mortgages because she couldn't pay to bring her daughters body back for New Zealand. Seriously, I guarantee someone has it worse than you. Yes, I complain and I know I do, but show some respect when you are around someone whom you know has practically lost everything.
These are just a few but I needed to get this out their.
1. I get angry when someone, who did not vote in the last election, complains about the President of the United States. In my personal opinion, if you did not vote at all, you have no right to complain, so stop telling how terrible congress is. Unless you voiced your opinion and exercised your God given right to vote, I will not have any sort of debate with you and you will hear my rant about how much I could care less about your complaints. Either you try your best to fix the country or you sit down and shut up while the rest of us try.
2. I hate it when I am driving and notice I need to change lanes and the person behind sees the exact same need for a lane change and speeds up or waits until the last minute to do so. Is shaving 5 seconds off your tie really going to get you there faster. I intentionally do not let those people in my lane and when they do make an attempt, I become a rude driver and speed up so they think they will get hit. You are not going to be rude and get away with it. I know, I am mean about it but really...are we so desperate to get ahead by five cars?
3. This one is more directed at youtube. I was watching a video and some jerk had the nerve to post (in the comments) profanity about this family and continued to bash on their videos (he is a repeat offender of said action and I had had enough). I stated what I always think when I see haters bashing on people's youtube videos..."you're just jealous that he is so famous on youtube that even your negative comment pays his bills. If you really hate his videos why do you watch every single day? Either enjoy his hard work or shut up and beat it." Again, I know I may have come off as harsh, but seriously, why are you wasting your time watching it and then writing terrible comments if you hate his videos so much? It doesn't make any sense to me.
4. I absolutely can't stand people who complain about their lives when someone who has been through far worse is standing right next to them. I witnessed this once. A former friend of mine would constantly complain about his broken thumb and how life sucked for him because he had no money to go to the hospital when a woman I love and admire just lost her daughter and she was trying to save her marriage and paying two mortgages because she couldn't pay to bring her daughters body back for New Zealand. Seriously, I guarantee someone has it worse than you. Yes, I complain and I know I do, but show some respect when you are around someone whom you know has practically lost everything.
These are just a few but I needed to get this out their.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday is Do or Die Day
As many of you know, I work for the Springville High School music department as the colorguard director! Now, as part of my employment there, I assist in generating a budget and finance list to see what I can provide for my students. Due to some recent political upheaval within the Utah WInterguard Circuit, my band director has asked me if I want to stay in the circuit and continue the ever-so-tiring fight with the circuit, or help raise over $2,500 for the kids to go out-of-state and compete. This is a tough call so I asked if I could decide next Monday. There is a fundraiser happening this weekend that the students generally do fairly well in and we are waiting on a grant for new drums and instruments. Everything will be decided officially by Saturday, but since the district office is closed during the weekend, we don't get our final budget report until Monday. So, Monday is a big day to say the least. Monday determine whether we have a choice or not in the matter. I am hoping we have enough funds to stay in the circuit and still travel since the kids will be in the middle of a heat political debate among the circuit board members and directors. Cross your fingers for us!!!
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